Living with someone’s drinking
When someone you love drinks, it affects everyone close to them. While you cannot stop them drinking there are steps you can take to help yourself.
What life can become like Their drinking can start to shape everyone else’s behaviour.
Monitoring the amount they drink.
Changing plans because they are drinking or recovering.
Doing anything to avoid an argument.
Covering for them with family, friends or work.
Throwing out alcohol, hiding your money, following them.
Feeling responsible for keeping everything together.
If this is becoming your normal life, Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs supports people across Scotland who are worried about someone else's alcohol or drug use.
Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs — 08080 10 10 11 Call Scottish Families — advice, one-to-one support and local help ↗You cannot control their drinking You can influence what you will accept, but you cannot make another person stop.
Pleading, arguing, hiding alcohol, checking up on them or making threats may change what happens for a while, but none of those things gives you control over whether they drink.
However, giving up is not an option, so you have to learn to control what you can: you.
Read what you can do →What their drinking can do to you Living around alcohol problems can affect your health, sleep, confidence and judgement.
You may become so used to managing the next problem that you stop noticing how much the situation is affecting you.
Poor sleep and constant tiredness.
Anxiety, anger or feeling on edge.
Loss of confidence.
Isolation from friends or family.
Money problems.
Feeling that your life revolves around their drinking.
If their drinking is affecting bills, rent, mortgage payments, benefits or joint debts, Citizens Advice Scotland can put you through to your local bureau for practical advice.
Citizens Advice Scotland — 0800 028 1456 Call Find your local Citizens Advice Bureau ↗Arguments, promises and apologies Alcohol problems can create the same cycle again and again.
There may be arguments when they drink, apologise afterwards and promise that it will be different next time. The promise may be genuine in that moment, but when somone has an addiction or dependency it seldom lasts.
Read why they keep drinking →Protecting yourself You are allowed to decide what you will and will not live with.
Boundaries are not a way of controlling the other person. They are decisions about what you will do when certain things happen.
That can include money, arguments, driving, children, where you sleep, whether you stay in the house, or when you will leave a situation.
Read about boundaries and protecting yourself →If you are frightened of them, being threatened, controlled or hurt, you can contact Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline. It is available 24 hours a day. If anyone is in immediate danger, phone 999.
Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline — 0800 027 1234 Call Domestic abuse help, safety planning and housing advice ↗Getting help for yourself You do not have to wait for them to stop drinking before you ask for help.
Support for you matters even if the person drinking refuses help. You can talk to someone who understands this situation, speak to other families, or ask for practical advice without the person who drinks agreeing to anything.
Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs — 08080 10 10 11 Call Al-Anon Family Groups — 0800 0086 811 Call Find an Al-Anon meeting ↗ Families of Alcohol Abuse — information, personal stories and community ↗ See all help for families and friends →