Alcohol Scotland

Information, advice and support to help relieve the misery caused by Scotland's alcohol problems. For people worried about their drinking, families and friends affected by alcoholism, and anyone looking for practical help or clear answers.

Boundaries & protecting yourself

Boundaries are not about controlling the person who drinks. They are about deciding what you will and will not accept, and what you will do when their drinking affects you, the children, your money or your home.

What a boundary actually is A boundary is a decision about your own actions, not a threat designed to make them stop drinking.

“You are not allowed to drink” is not a boundary because you cannot control whether they drink. “If you come home drunk and start an argument, I will leave the room or take the children somewhere else” is a boundary because it is about what you will do.

Choose boundaries you can keep A boundary only means something if you are able and willing to follow through.

It is easy to set a boundary in the middle of an argument and much harder to keep it later. Start with things that matter most and that you can realistically do.

You do not need ten rules. One or two clear boundaries are more useful than a long list you cannot keep.

Money Protecting your money is not the same as controlling theirs.

You can decide not to give them money for alcohol, not to cover debts caused by drinking and not to lie about where money has gone.

If joint money is being spent, bills are being missed or debts are building up, Citizens Advice Scotland can help with debt, benefits, housing and money problems and put you through to your local bureau.

Citizens Advice Scotland — 0800 028 1456 Call Find your local Citizens Advice Bureau ↗

If you are worried about a joint account, cards, overdrafts or money being taken without your agreement, contact your bank and ask what safeguards they can put in place.

Driving and transport You do not have to take risks because they have been drinking.

Do not get into a car with them if they have been drinking. Do not let children travel with them if you believe they are unsafe to drive.

If someone is about to drive while drunk and there is an immediate risk to others, phone 999.

Emergency — phone 999 Call
Arguments and abusive behaviour Alcohol does not excuse frightening or abusive behaviour.

You do not have to stay in the room while someone is shouting at you, insulting you, threatening you or frightening you. Alcohol does not excuse abusive behaviour.

If you are being threatened, controlled or hurt, Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline is available 24 hours a day. They can help with safety planning, housing and finding local support.

Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline — 0800 027 1234 Call Domestic abuse help and safety planning ↗

If you or anyone else is in immediate danger, phone 999.

Children Children should not be expected to manage an adult's drinking.

Children should not be expected to manage a drunken parent, get them to bed, protect the other parent or look after younger siblings.

If you are worried about how the drinking is affecting a child, speak to the school, your GP or your local council social work department. You can also contact Children First for advice and family support.

Children First support line — 0800 028 2233 Call Children First — support for families in Scotland ↗ Read about children & families →
Have a plan if things get worse Know what you would do if home stopped feeling safe.

Know where you could go.

Keep important documents somewhere safe.

Keep your phone charged.

Tell someone you trust what is happening.

Know how you would leave quickly if you needed to.

If you need help making a safety plan, contact Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline. If housing or money is part of the problem, Citizens Advice Scotland can also help you work out your options.

Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline — 0800 027 1234 Call Citizens Advice Scotland — 0800 028 1456 Call
Get help for yourself You can get help even if they refuse it.

Setting boundaries is difficult when you are tired, frightened or have been dealing with the drinking for a long time. You can get help even if the person who drinks wants nothing to do with services.

Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs — 08080 10 10 11 Call Al-Anon Family Groups — 0800 0086 811 Call Find an Al-Anon meeting ↗ Families of Alcohol Abuse — information, personal stories and community ↗ See all help for families and friends →