Daily Quote
"To achieve greatness, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can."
— Arthur Ashe
Then Came a Man
When I first revisited Al-Anon after many years I noted that it was always women who attended because their male partner was the alcoholic and they needed to share with others who, despite the many aspects of her story, would understand. I thought perhaps it was because men were more likely to become alcholics than women. That is until John - not his real name - turned up one night.
John explained that he had a lot of male friends whose wives were alcoholics but because men, especially in Scotland, are rugged and manly and don't talk about their problems, they kept it very much within their small group. A lot of them had no idea who to turn to except each other. This particular evening John decided to come to the meeting and see what it was all about. His friends figured it would just be a group of women whining and bellyaching about their drunk husband. He was pleasantly surprised but his story made every one of us weep.
His wife had been an alcoholic for 20 years with bouts of sobriety. They had two daughters who were teenagers now but had grown up with the struggles of their parents. He told some horror stories of how he would come home from work and his wife would be lying in the back garden asleep in a drunken stupour and his daughters had been forgotten and were waiting at school to be picked up or at a teacher's house or trying to make themselves some food in the kitchen after his wife had turned up drunk and demanded to take them home from school.
He told us how he looked after the house, the shopping, the cooking and cleaning as well as the decorating, the repairs of the house and maintenance of the garden and his daughters clubs etc. as well as trying to hold down a good job while his wife would call him all through the day at work crying drunk. It sounded like a story from a nightmare. Then he told us how much he loved his wife and could never leave her. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Maybe it was because he was a man or because we felt his pain and also knew how hard it must have been to share this all with us.
I don't know about the other people there but I know I came away realising that sometimes you just have to tell someone else. You just have to admit that you need someone else to nod and say "I understand", and believe in your heart that they do.
This is why I want this site to work. I want people like John to have a place to come and tell their story with no worry about being judged. I hope someday there will be enough members that despite what has happened there will always be someone who can offer that support🤝
John explained that he had a lot of male friends whose wives were alcoholics but because men, especially in Scotland, are rugged and manly and don't talk about their problems, they kept it very much within their small group. A lot of them had no idea who to turn to except each other. This particular evening John decided to come to the meeting and see what it was all about. His friends figured it would just be a group of women whining and bellyaching about their drunk husband. He was pleasantly surprised but his story made every one of us weep.
His wife had been an alcoholic for 20 years with bouts of sobriety. They had two daughters who were teenagers now but had grown up with the struggles of their parents. He told some horror stories of how he would come home from work and his wife would be lying in the back garden asleep in a drunken stupour and his daughters had been forgotten and were waiting at school to be picked up or at a teacher's house or trying to make themselves some food in the kitchen after his wife had turned up drunk and demanded to take them home from school.
He told us how he looked after the house, the shopping, the cooking and cleaning as well as the decorating, the repairs of the house and maintenance of the garden and his daughters clubs etc. as well as trying to hold down a good job while his wife would call him all through the day at work crying drunk. It sounded like a story from a nightmare. Then he told us how much he loved his wife and could never leave her. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Maybe it was because he was a man or because we felt his pain and also knew how hard it must have been to share this all with us.
I don't know about the other people there but I know I came away realising that sometimes you just have to tell someone else. You just have to admit that you need someone else to nod and say "I understand", and believe in your heart that they do.
This is why I want this site to work. I want people like John to have a place to come and tell their story with no worry about being judged. I hope someday there will be enough members that despite what has happened there will always be someone who can offer that support🤝